Thursday, October 29, 2009

Crucial Conversations

Respecting others teaches reverence.

Principles of Crucial Conversations, VitalSmarts
In managing a project, you work with people.
Crucial Conversations Videos
  • Only 23% of workers report working at their full potential
The Leadership Skill
  1. What results do you want that you're not getting?
  2. What crucial conversation is not being held or not being held well that perpetuates your problem?
We construct stories/accusations that ellicit emotional responses.
"What you can't communicate runs your life." - Dr. Robert Anthony
  • If there's an issue you're not dealing with, it will run your life.
Don't trade the possibility of an uncomfortable conversation for the certainty of bad relationships and results.

When you feel threatened, there are some chemical processes that kick in, and blood is diminished from your brain and rushes to your muscles to fight or run.

  1. Start with the Heart - Be introspective when applying the message.
  2. Learn to Look - Make it safe: Mutual Purpose, Mutual Respect
Motives that kill dialogue - artificial stability!
  • Save face
  • Look good
  • Keep the peace
  • Avoid conflict
  • Win
  • Be right
  • Punish
Law of the Hog- if you're trying to solve the problem through external means (guards, cameras, punishment) you're never going to solve the problem!

The sooner you get back into dialogue, the lower the costs.

People never become defensive about what you're saying; people become defensive because of why they think you're saying it.

See also The Bonds that Make Us Free.

Christmas deocrations story: Husband thought his wife was the Christmas Nazi. One day he woke up and thought, "I really don't care what happens today, I just want my wife to be happy." He came home, took care of the kids, when the wife got back, she was surprised. When he asked about helping with Christmas stuff, she said, "We don't really need to do that right now."

If each person wakes up every morning with an anxious concern for the other, then it works out pretty well. It's reciprocal. - Pres. Hinckley

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